I'm WILD about hockey, eh? Eh? *Elbows* (Jets @ Wild 10/10/2013)

Okay that was a lame joke, but I attended a Wild game last night vs the Winnipeg Jets! It was my first hockey game of the year, and I am sure it is far from my last! My awesome-o work partner Jerry is a Wild fan from Minnesota so it was his suggestion we go. Oh how well he knows me!

I have both a Wild thermal shirt and a Jets tee from my vast collection of souvenir tees from all of the arena's I've seen. I ended up wearing the Wild tee since it was cold as balls, but I topped it off with my Canucks jersey. Can't go to a game without wearing my jerseys. :)

The arena was very nice and we only paid $17 on stubhub for some gnarly seats. I was impressed with the turnout on a weekday: it's clear Minnesota gives a hoot about hockey. A lot of Jets fans were present as well, supporting in a lot of vintage Jets jerseys from ze 70's. There was a bus outside afterwards called Beaver Lines, something tells me that was how the Jets fans traveled.

It wasn't the greatest game because of so many missed passes and bad puck handling, but I was just happy to see hockey! It could have been worse- it could have been any of the Rangers games this year. I was hoping the Jets would get a goal to tie it because I love shootouts, but the game ended 2-1 Wild. I look like crap in the pic of me, don't judge! It was a super early day with a flight from Dallas to MSP.

Canucks and The Devils

Watching this Canucks and Devils game has been hard because I honestly don't know who I want to win. Obviously I am a Canucks fan, but it's so hard to see poor Cory all nervous. I think he needs this more than the city of Vancouver needs it. I'm still so pissed about the trade. I'm also pissed about that little fucker Brunner for going to NJ when he could have stayed with the Wings. NJ and I are watching the game at the bar where we got to open up our action figures that I ordered. A Burrows for her, a Schneider for me. I also took this photo for hopes of giggles online. I hope no one photoshops a cock in my mouth!

Bruins Hockey!

So I got to Uxbridge, Massachusetts with plenty o’ time to catch my train in Providence. And then I called the cab and they were like, “What? You’re a MILE into the state of MA?? Nope, we can’t pick you up, go fuck yourself.” Not literally, but they did say that in a sense. How fucking lame! I ended up getting a ride with one of the employees, nice lady who told me about her husband’s death last year, all the way to Providence. It was a tad awkward but I felt bad for her, she even had his photo on her dashboard. I can’t imagine losing someone like that, so I certainly hope she is okay. I offered to pay her but she refused, how kind. :) I had missed my 2:19pm train so I splurged and took the Business Class Acela Express to Boston. Man that train was suave! Too bad it was such a short ride, but no complaints! I had to get to the TD Garden asap! As soon as I got out of South Station, I jetted in a cab over and snapped pics galore. I was mildly annoyed at the train station factor in the arena because it made my visit look like a joke and not a hockey experience, but I managed to get pics without being photobombed too badly. I was disappointed with the selection of shirts, but found one that works. If only I had the boobs to fill it out. That being said, I was totally disappointed with how rude and douchey the cashier was. MAN, he could not have been a bigger dick. I come up to the counter all smiles and he just gives me this “SHUT UP” look and says not a word to me. A sour attitude the entire time, he looks like he’s about to strangle me for wasting his time. What a bad way to leave the arena, feeling like that. Afterwards I took to the city streets, perusing everything I could walk to before I had to get my luggage out of storage at 8pm. I also called out “CORY SCHNEIDER” the entire time, hoping he’d magically appear. I didn’t see enough but that’s okay, I’m sure I’ll be back. I took the silver line to Boston Logan (where I am now), then went terminal hopping before I settled on sleeping at Terminal E. It’s like 5am, so aka I didn’t get much or any sleep. Guess I’ll just sleep at the flight. I would have gotten a hotel, but apparently if you aren’t born with a silver spoon up your ass, you can’t afford to stay anywhere near this airport.

Senators Hockey!

As soon as I flew back to Minneapolis, I was back out on the road for Ontario. I wanted to stop in Detroit and see the fam but alas there was no time. Okay, that’s not true. The truth is, there was no way in fuck I was going to drive a brand new Mercedez Benz 26 foot motorhome through my grandma’s neighborhood in the city of Detroit. I already know I’ll be there 15 min before some ghetto retard shows up trying to jump me, steal the appliances (I wouldn’t put it past them to steal the vehicle too) and kill me and my family in the process. So thanks ghetto “gangsta” fuckers, you are the reason I couldn’t see my family! One day I will rid Detroit of you parasites, I promise. I got to Ottawa late Sunday night and camped out at the Walmart on Strandherd. It’s funny, I was woken up by a minivan full of Indian children running around and screaming at 7am. I see a correlation here. Indians are to Canada what Mexicans are to the USA. I don’t want to hear any “OMG You’re a racist! WAH!!” bullshit because guess what? I’m Mexican, and I’m sick of the rabid overkill on kids too. Obviously, I never wants kids. I drove on over to the Scotiabank Place, now titled the Canadian Tire Centre in the RV and found plenty of parking. The place didn’t have a sign since of the name change, but I got plenty of pictures and enjoyed the Sens Store. The cashier was so friendly, she even let me take a peak of the ice! Afterwards I took a quick ride through downtown hoping to see Parliament Hill (I didn’t :( ) and then took Queen Elizabeth all the way to my delivery. And then I got told the delivery address was wrong and that I had to go 20 minutes south. AKA, I was no longer conveniently across the street from the airport. What luck! Thankfully after talking to the employees I managed to get a lift back. I couldn’t believe how small the Ottawa MacDonald Airport was, but it was a breeze to get through. A short layover in my lovely Detroit Metro and I was back to work in Minneapolis again. I have officially seen all the Canadian hockey arenas!

Montreal!

So it’s been just about a week and a half and I’ve done three delivers. Even better, it means I’ve knocked out three hockey arenas! My list of seeing all 30 is even shorter now! (Post for Ottawa and Boston to follow) 1. Philadelphia Flyers 2. Washington Capitals 3. Carolina Hurricanes 4. Florida Panthers Montreal was quite beautiful and fun despite being on total edge of not understanding French! I got lost thanks to that cunt SIRI and got sent through downtown Montreal during rush hour traffic, in a 42 foot diesel no less. I am lucky I remembered that Oest and Est were West and East. After delivery I took a $20 cab to Saint Julie, then took the 600 bus to downtown. From there I stayed at the hostel, L’Auberge A’pero. I finally figured out I was pronouncing Auberge wrong, apparently it’s AOOWWWBEEEHHHRRRGGGGEEE. Fucking French. I went straight to Centre Bell, first taking pics before going to the Habs Zone, and then off to La Cage Aux Sports, aka the Canadiens themed restaurant. Pics! Afterwards I went for a walk downtown, checking out Cresent street and a little shopping district. I even met this dude in a Canucks jersey! He told me he got a Cory jersey on sale for $40 at a store that was closed for the day. I didn’t get to stay out too late as I had an early flight at Pierre Elliot Trudeau Aerport. It was quite the little adventure with a 3 hour layover in Philly.

Vanessa and The Jets! Winnipeg, that is.

In my defense, it’s hard to update a blog as a trucker! My next run was to Providence, Rhode Island area. I wanted to run up to Boston to check out the TD Garden as I have yet to see, but it would have cost me too much extra and ruined my schedule for my next run. My next run was phenomenal, I went too…Grande Prairie..ALBERTA! That’s right, a 2100 mile drive, going past Edmonton and into the farthest northern spot I’ve ever been. Moose signs a-plenty, it was Canada heaven for almost a week. I went in via Portal, North Dakota, enjoying Saskatchewan and up to Edmonton in two days. I was in search of Albert and Claude Moose, two more dolls I wanted wearing an Oilers and Flames jersey. I had last seen them a year ago at the Flying J in Saskatoon. Naturally when I got there and saw they were no longer in stock, I cried over my Denny’s pancakes and apologized to Pierre for not being able to locate his brothers. So you could imagine my shock and glee when I entered the Flying J in Sherwood Park (a suburb of Edmonton) and found Claude the Flames moose. Unfortunately, they were all sold out of Albert. At any rate, I’m so happy to welcome this new moose in to the family. Afterwards I got to explore Alberta 43 into the gorgeousness of the northern prairies. I didn’t get to explore Grande Prairie as I was scheduled to ride the 5pm greyhound back to Edmonton, but it was a far larger city than I expected. Aftewards, I met with my tow partner Jerry at the Greyhound and we made it into Innesboro for the evening. The next day, I got to stop at the Lloydmister Mall where I got my Canucks jersey. They said they had a Cory sale and everything was sold out. :( They did carry XS Oilers jerseys, which further proved my point that the NHL is full of shit when they say, “we don’t make XS jerseys!”. I got myself a baby doll Oilers tee since I never got to see their team store. We also stopped in Yorton, SK where I got to meet an online friend, a fellow Queens of the Stone Age lover. It was so nice to surprise someone like that, and to meet someone I’d known for two years. Okay, maybe I’m nuts? We got to the Flying J of Winnipeg for the evening camp out, leaving me disappointed to find they only had Jets bears, I guess they don’t like moose around there. The next morning we went straight to downtown Winnipeg and I got to see the MTS Center for the first time! That area, Assinaboine, I thought it was pronounced ASS-IN-BONE, so naturally I had a good American laugh. At the team store, I got a Bogosian tee and almost caved into a gorgeous XS Jets jersey and jacket, but my inner jewness reminded me not to waste money. I snapped lots of pics before we went back to the car to find….it gone. We had been towed by the city! They said we parked too close to the bus stop. A bus stop that was behind a parking meter, the one that we parked like 5 feet in front of. Luckily getting the car back was only $100, so we split it. But we still plan to fight the city. Friendly Manitoba my ass! Alas, I will not let this poopstain my opinion of the Jets! I wanted something of the Manitoba Moose but I found nothing. I would especially like the Cory Schneider bobblehead, but I’m sure that would end with me in the ER because I would accidentally fall with my legs spread out and Cory’s head winds up lodged in my vagina. Hockey season is almost here, I can feel it!

My Cory Schneider Got Married

Cory Schneider got married on July 26 in Cape Cod. My heart shed a few tears that day. I wasn’t feeling too good about myself and I feel like seeing my hockey babe getting married was just a further reminder that my life is going nowhere. I’m still desperate to sell my ginger romance novel and get my comedy career underway, but I don’t have good luck in anything. I wonder what other Canucks were there. Not gonna lie, I was nosy and googled “Cory Schneider wedding”. If you were nosy, you also saw the page his lady made featuring the details and the registries. I may have gotten a gift for them anonymously…. don’t worry, it was cheap. I’m not a baller like Cory.